Single and Content?

Many years ago, I had a very enlightening conversation with a man who was in our singles group in Tampa.  This man was in his late forties and he asked me in all sincerity if I thought he was abnormal for not wanting to be married.  (We happened to be on our way to a wedding at that very minute!)  I thought about this for a moment then I asked him this question:  “Tell me, are you content with your life as it is?”  He said, “I really am.  I love my life and couldn’t imagine it any other way.”  I said “Well, then, not only do I NOT think you are abnormal, I think you are to be envied! Do you realize how many singles miss any chance of contentment today because they are waiting for tomorrow when they will be married and in their minds, "normal"?  And, do you also realize how many people are married and miserable and willing to give anything, including their marital status, to be able to say they are content today?” 

I want to let you in on a little secret:  being Single is NOT a disease; it is not an abnormal state you wait in until your "real" life begins!  Most people will marry, but some won’t; whether by their own choice or by God’s design.  I firmly believe if it is by God’s design, He will lead you to the place of my friend in Tampa; to the place the apostle Paul wrote about in Philippians 4:  “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” 

It is absolutely possible to be single and content.  (Married and content too, but that advice is for another blogger to write about!)  Does that mean you have to give up your dreams of getting married and having children one day?  No way!  Does it mean that while you wait for that chapter of your life to unfold you can’t live out loud in the present?  Abolutely not!  How is this done?  How is contentment achieved when society teaches us to be disillusioned with what we have and desirous of more?  How do we learn to be grateful and at peace with what we’ve been given and stop continuously yearning for something or someone else? 

The first thing we need to do is to understand that contentment is not happiness.  Happiness is a much sought after commodity in our culture, however, happiness can be fickle and elusive.  It is a temporary and fleeting emotion that cannot make up its mind.  No sooner do you have a blissful encounter with it when it is whisked away and replaced by some other sensation; worry perhaps, or fear.  Contentment, on the other hand, is more reliable; more of a steady state of joy.  It assumes peace of mind and steadfastness despite circumstances.  It is not easily given to emotions thereby making it a more stable weapon in the Christian arsenal.  Contentment focuses on what you have rather than what you don’t.  The really good news is that, according to the apostle Paul, it can be learned.  And if Paul had to learn contentment that means there is hope for you and me!  

Here are the things I think we can "learn" about contentment:

1.  Practice makes perfect - As with anything we learn in life, we do so by practicing it.  Don’t you just hate that?  If we want a godly principal, or any habit for that matter, to take root in our lives and become a part of our character we have to do the thing over and over again.  Take patience for instance.  You want to learn it?  You don’t just get zapped with it and become Job-like.  No, you have to be faced with situations that require patience over and over and over until your first and natural inclination is to be patient.  It is a process and sometimes, a long one.  And, trust me, God loves you so much He is willing to re-enroll you in the class until you pass.  Pray and ask God to help you learn to be content.  Ask Him to teach you what it means to be grateful for what you have.  If you are serious about it, you will be presented with situations in which you have to choose whether or not you will be content despite your circumstances. You won’t do it perfectly, but you can learn to trust God and trust His process to get you there.

“Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” Psalm 86:11 NIV

2.  You can’t learn contentment for yourself if you’re busy studying other people – There is no faster way to fail the test of contentment than to start comparing yourself with others.  I used to struggle greatly with this particular issue. I compared myself with my friends, my coworkers and even with people from church.  I would look at what they had compared to what I had and wonder...“Why do they have that and I have this?”  “Why is she married and I’m not even dating?”  “Why do they seem extremely blessed when I feel forgotten?”  “Why does she seem so happy when I can’t find a moment of peace?”  “Why does God allow that person such victory in their life and my life is such a mess?”  When comparison begins to creep into our thinking, we can be sure this is the work of the enemy.  He seeks to steal your joy, kill any attempts you make at finding contentment and destroy your hope of ever having “enough.”  Think about this though, when you compare yourself to another person, you really have no idea what kind of road they are walking.  They may seem to have everything together and have the kind of life you want, but underneath, they may be in great pain or deep sorrow.  They may be hiding secret sin and the shame and guilt that goes along with it.  Live the life God has given YOU!  If you knew the whole truth about the person you are comparing yourself with, you might not want their life. 

"That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original."  Galatians 5:26 MSG

"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."  Galatians 6:4-5

3.  Worry and contentment cannot coexist – Read the words of Jesus in Matthew 6 and let them sink in.  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?...Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”  Worry is a serious problem in our society today.  There are so many things we could be worried about; the economy, our health, relationships, our finances, etc.  But, when we are consumed with worry over the details of our lives, it leaves no room for our LIFE!  Ultimately, our worry says we do not have faith in God and do not trust in Him to take care of the situation we are in.  Harsh words, I know, but I’ve been there.  I still go there.  It doesn’t feel good to let worry creep into a situation, take over and steal my joy.  I’m sure you feel the same way. 

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalm 55:22

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that”. 1 Timothy 6:6-8 NIV

4.  Being content does not mean giving up your dreams – The Bible tells us to learn contentment and urges us to be grateful with the life God has given us.  It does not tell us we can’t have dreams and set goals for ourselves.  Our God is a God of miracles!  The same Jesus who walked on the water, fed five thousand, healed the sick and was raised from the dead is the same one we serve today!  He wants us to dream big, pray big and live as though we really do believe Him.  To be content with what He has provided for us in this moment is not saying we must settle for or be satisfied right where we are forever.  There is a difference.  We are to press on as the scripture says.  We are to strive for better things, different things, especially where our character is concerned.  But, in the process, we are to be humbly grateful for today.  If our motives for our future goals and dreams are godly, they are not wrong.  Just make sure you pass them through the filter of scripture to determine whether they will ultimately glorify you or the Father! 

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14 NIV

“All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the LORD weighs the motives.  Commit your works to the LORD and your plans will be established.”  Proverbs 16:2-3 NIV

“The noble man devises noble plans; and by noble plans he stands.”  Isaiah 32:8 NIV

So, that’s my two cents worth:  practice contentment, don’t compare yourself with others, stop worrying and dream big!  God wants abundance for you my friend; the pressed down, shaken together and running over kind.  The question is if your cup doesn’t look so full right now, can you still be content with what IS in it? 

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV