I have been around a lot of Christian single women over the past 11 1/2 years. I have watched you and studied you. I have learned from you and hopefully, some of you have learned from me. Most recently I have been presented with a recurring theme among you; a theme of disappointment and discouragement where the topic of finding a mate is concerned. I won't say this hasn't always been there, but lately, it just seems I hear more about it. It is my hope that this blog will encourage you, inspire you and cause you to think about your journey differently. It is my desire that you will come to know the Lord so intimately that the waiting process will become a sweet time of growth that you look back on and treasure rather than remember with bitterness and wonder (I wonder what took you so long?)
First things first, though. In order to find a mate, I really believe you have to “be the person you want to marry.” Years ago when my husband, James and I started in Singles ministry, he read a book that defined "single" in this way: "whole, complete, unique, lacking nothing." That definition has stuck with me all of these years and I believe it is a powerful statement of who you should be and what you should be looking for in a mate. I know this was true in my own life. I wanted to find "Mr. Right" so bad I was willing to settle for "Mr. You'll Do"; heck, even "Mr. Wrong" (completely evident by the fact that I was engaged twice before I finally found Mr. Right.) I had a surplus of baggage from past hurts, my heart was not solely devoted to the Lord and I certainly didn’t feel special or unique in any way. I just kept thinking “if I could find a mate all my problems will be solved. No more loneliness, no more baggage to carry by myself, no more self-esteem problems." Boy was I WRONG!
Because of the Lord’s great mercy, He took me on a journey that would force me to take a good, long look in the mirror. I had to know who I was before I could ever know who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I began looking in His word and asking Him to show me the areas of my life that were skewed. Many places needed mending and healing and I asked Him to help me to make these areas whole again. It was hard work; but over time and through God’s faithfulness, I came to know myself and my God. We will never be perfect until we see Him face-to-face. But, I believe we are on this journey to keep moving forward toward the cross through joys and sorrows, good days and bad until that day comes. Some of the verses that were helpful to me during my time of searching were:
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
Isaiah 61:7
Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.
Lamentations 3:24
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
John 15:11
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
In case you hadn’t already guessed, each of these verses has to do with being “complete, whole, unique, lacking nothing.” As women, He has made us with tenderness and with certain longings and desires. One of my favorite passages on this subject is Proverbs 13:12. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." If one of your desires is to find a mate, then start today by making Jesus your longing. Take a solid inventory of who you are, who you want to be and Who He is in your life. Define yourself and you just might find that this time of waiting could be the "single" most beautiful and fruitful time of your life.
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