Many years ago when James and I first started in Singles Ministry, we met with a young lady in our singles group in Pensacola, Florida. At the time, she was probably in her mid-thirties and had a deep desire to be married. As we talked with her about the plans she had for her life and how she was handling “the waiting game”, she made this statement: “At this point, I’m just hoping Prince Charming’s horse is only pokey and not dead!” We all laughed our heads off. That was more than twelve years ago and I have never forgotten this hilarious yet sobering statement.
How do you continue to wait when you have a God-given desire to be married and have a family and there is no Prince Charming in sight? You stretch your gaze out across the horizon time and time again only to have your eyes meet with the same deserted landscape. There is no knight in shining armor, no white horse, no one riding gallantly toward you to sweep you off your feet, take you to his castle and live happily ever after. (OK, that last part might be a slight exaggeration of reality, but a girl can dream, can’t she?)
Waiting can be painful! If you’re not careful, you can allow yourself to have all sorts of wrong thoughts, emotions and actions while you attempt to wait patiently on the Lord. Believe me when I say I have lived on both sides of this dilemma. There were times when I waited patiently and made the most of my time and there were times when I decided I had enough of waiting and took matters into my own hands. In addition to my own time in the “game,” I have also walked alongside single ladies for the past twelve years. I have watched you during this season of your life and I have to tell you, this particular battle is one that sends me to my knees in prayer. I know the heartache, I see the pain, I understand the deep longings that go unfulfilled. I also know the victory and the success stories of those who allow the Lord to use this time to sharpen and mature you.
So, what’s the game plan? How can you not only survive this time in your life, but actually thrive in it?
1. Know the rule book. As a Christian, our ultimate guide for daily living is the Bible; it is our rule book. Yes, there are some really good books out there regarding this subject of waiting, dating and mating; however, don’t allow these “how-to” books to take the place of God’s Word. He knows your heart. He sees your struggles. Immerse yourself in is Word and allow Him to minister to your situation. There is no friend like Jesus!
“LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.” Psalm 38:15 NIV
“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV
2. Know your teammates. Life is about relationships. God created you to be in fellowship with Him and with other people. If you don’t have close female friends, I strongly encourage you to cultivate these. The absence of a marital relationship in your life can be greatly diminished by the presence of strong, godly, female friendships. Some of the ladies I became friends with during my time of waiting are still my friends today (and that was over 17 years ago.)
“A friend loves at all times” Proverbs 17:17a NIV
3. Training is necessary if you intend to win. Allow the Lord to stretch your faith muscles during this time. We all have things in our lives that could use some pruning. Give the Lord the permission and freedom to show you these things and be willing to accept His guidance. He wants you to press on toward the prize (and right here I’m talking about heaven and not your mate:-))and work out your salvation. One of the workouts I’ve seen produce the best results during this time is to turn your focus outward. There is something about serving others that makes your situation seem smaller. Have you always wanted to go on a mission trip? Go! Have you always wanted to serve at a homeless shelter? Do it! Do you have friends who could use a listening ear and shoulder to cry on? Be there! Do you have a friend who desperately needs Jesus as their Savior? Tell them!
“How blessed the man you train, God, the woman you instruct in your Word, providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil.” Psalm 94:12a MSG
“Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” 1 Corinthians 9:25 NIV
4. Don’t allow substitutions. This one is huge! When we feel a void in our lives, our first inclination is to fill it. We have so many choices. We can fill the void with God’s Word, godly friends, sharpening our own walk, serving others; or we can fill the void with things like sex, drinking, partying and hanging out with friends who don’t have our best interests at heart. Do not settle! Any time we settle for less than God’s best in our lives, we take a detour off the path. I don’t want to see you waste precious time wandering around in the wilderness. Trust me. I’ve been there. It isn’t something I’d recommend.
“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” 1 Corinthians 15:33
“I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;” Lamentations 3:24-25 NIV
5. Forget about the loss column. Failed relationships can cause you to become hardened and afraid to try again. Your broken heart will take time to mend. Allow yourself that time and let the Lord do what He does best: restore those who are broken. You can learn from the pain and use it to guide your future experiences. Some of you are divorced. Some of you allowed your relationships to become physical and now have the guilt and shame associated with that. We serve a God who does not condemn us; rather He forgives and heals us! Don’t allow the enemy to gain a foothold here by keeping you on the ground in your shame and sadness. Take the Lord’s hand. Allow him to pick you up, dust you off and get you back on your feet.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV
6. Get in the game. In order to play the game successfully, you have to be in the game. Sounds elementary, but it’s true. Over the years I have listened as many single women told me their dreams and desires about marriage and finding a godly man, only to find out they do not participate in things that would bring them close to this goal. If you are going to bars and hoping to find a godly man, you’ve left the playing field and wandered off into the stands. If you never hang out in mixed company and are expecting your mate to show up on your doorstep, you’re not even in the stadium. (I know, God can do ANYTHING, but let’s be an active participant in the plan.) You must be in the places where the person you hope to meet would be. I will also say a word about on-line dating here. In the years past, I was strongly opposed to it. I didn’t think anything good could come of meeting and dating in a virtual world. How could one really know a person who could hide behind their keyboard and monitor and pretend to be anyone or anything they wanted to be? I have since come to meet several Christian couples who met and married via an online dating service. So, I am not as hard-core against this as I used to be. My only word of advice is to keep your eyes wide open. Be sure they are who they say they are!
I cannot say with absolute certainty that if you do these things, your mate will find you. I wish I could my sweet sister. But, as a daughter of the King, you are a princess and some day, your prince will come. It might be the Lord Jesus Himself, but rest assured, your knight will arrive, riding on a white horse. Will you make the most of your time while you await his arrival? Will you allow Him to shape and refine you as you anticipate His coming? I can hardly wait until you see him!
“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.” Isaiah 64:4 NIV
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Who Do You Think You Are?
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7 NKJV
Are you aware of how much you do every day according to who you think you are? Quite possibly you even do things according to who others think you are. Our identity is firmly rooted in our thoughts about ourselves and our thoughts are such a powerful force in our lives that they WILL lead us to actions and then to behaviors. Whether negative or positive, we will make decisions and live out our lives based on who we believe ourselves to be.
Unfortunately, a great deal of women; myself included, have at times, allowed a negative thought or two to be sown in our minds: “No one will ever love me.” “I will never be good enough.” “What’s wrong with me?” “I must deserve to have bad things happen to me because of who I am or what I’ve done.” “I better settle for these less-than-best relationships because I can’t do any better.” These are just some of the kinds of thoughts that, if left to grow roots and bloom, will produce a devastating crop in our lives.
This unwanted harvest usually manifests itself most clearly in our relationship choices. This will be true of friendships and especially true of romantic relationships. Do you find yourself picking the one(s) who treats you like you “think” you should be treated because you’ve bought into the lie that you are not worthy of anything better? Do you find yourself limiting your goals and dreams because you don’t believe in yourself to achieve them? Do you settle for less-than-God’s-best because you’ve fallen into such a pattern of negative thinking toward yourself you can’t imagine He would want to give you anything better? Do you believe you can never be forgiven and set free from your sin to live and walk in victory? Too many women buy into these negative thoughts and live their lives out of the poverty of what they have believed about themselves rather than out of the plenty God desires for them. Too many women have listened to the enemy whisper those words of self-doubt, condemnation and unworthiness in their ears.
Ladies, we must know what the Bible says about who we are! We must know who God thinks we are and who we are in Christ if we are to live a life of freedom and victory and break any chains of bondage our negative thoughts have on us. God shows us just how valuable we are through His word:
1. God loves you:
“May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.” Psalm 33:22 NIV
“You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.” Psalm 86:5 NIV
“For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead.” Psalm 86:13 NIV
“I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself.” Psalm 89:2 NIV
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10 NIV
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3 NIV
2. God knows you:
"You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain." Psalm 139:1-6 NIV
“Yet you know me, LORD; you see me and test my thoughts about you.” Jeremiah 12:3 NIV
“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” 1 John 3:20 NIV
3. God thinks about you and has plans for you:
"Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done,
And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You.
If I would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count." Psalm 40:5 NASB
“LORD, what are human beings that you care for them, mere mortals that you think of them?” Psalm 144:3 NIV
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
4. God bought you with a high price and made you a co-heir with Christ:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;"
Isaiah 43:1-3 NIV
“I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:15b-16a NIV
“You are not your own; you were bought at a price.” 1 Corinthians 6:19b-20a NIV
“He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:5-7 NIV
5. God wants you to be whole, forgiven and walking in victory:
“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners” Isaiah 61:1b NIV
“Know the LORD," because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,” declares the LORD. “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34 NIV
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 NIV
“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 NIV
And these, dear ones, are just the beginning. There are hundreds of verses that proclaim the Lord’s great love for you and your unfathomable worth to Him. So, how about it? Who do you think you are? If you have believed lies about who you are, ask the Lord to show you the truth and help you change your thinking. You can renew your mind and begin to live life out of the abundance of who you really are in Christ: redeemed, forgiven, set free and dearly loved.
Are you aware of how much you do every day according to who you think you are? Quite possibly you even do things according to who others think you are. Our identity is firmly rooted in our thoughts about ourselves and our thoughts are such a powerful force in our lives that they WILL lead us to actions and then to behaviors. Whether negative or positive, we will make decisions and live out our lives based on who we believe ourselves to be.
Unfortunately, a great deal of women; myself included, have at times, allowed a negative thought or two to be sown in our minds: “No one will ever love me.” “I will never be good enough.” “What’s wrong with me?” “I must deserve to have bad things happen to me because of who I am or what I’ve done.” “I better settle for these less-than-best relationships because I can’t do any better.” These are just some of the kinds of thoughts that, if left to grow roots and bloom, will produce a devastating crop in our lives.
This unwanted harvest usually manifests itself most clearly in our relationship choices. This will be true of friendships and especially true of romantic relationships. Do you find yourself picking the one(s) who treats you like you “think” you should be treated because you’ve bought into the lie that you are not worthy of anything better? Do you find yourself limiting your goals and dreams because you don’t believe in yourself to achieve them? Do you settle for less-than-God’s-best because you’ve fallen into such a pattern of negative thinking toward yourself you can’t imagine He would want to give you anything better? Do you believe you can never be forgiven and set free from your sin to live and walk in victory? Too many women buy into these negative thoughts and live their lives out of the poverty of what they have believed about themselves rather than out of the plenty God desires for them. Too many women have listened to the enemy whisper those words of self-doubt, condemnation and unworthiness in their ears.
Ladies, we must know what the Bible says about who we are! We must know who God thinks we are and who we are in Christ if we are to live a life of freedom and victory and break any chains of bondage our negative thoughts have on us. God shows us just how valuable we are through His word:
1. God loves you:
“May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.” Psalm 33:22 NIV
“You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.” Psalm 86:5 NIV
“For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead.” Psalm 86:13 NIV
“I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself.” Psalm 89:2 NIV
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10 NIV
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3 NIV
2. God knows you:
"You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain." Psalm 139:1-6 NIV
“Yet you know me, LORD; you see me and test my thoughts about you.” Jeremiah 12:3 NIV
“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” 1 John 3:20 NIV
3. God thinks about you and has plans for you:
"Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done,
And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You.
If I would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count." Psalm 40:5 NASB
“LORD, what are human beings that you care for them, mere mortals that you think of them?” Psalm 144:3 NIV
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
4. God bought you with a high price and made you a co-heir with Christ:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;"
Isaiah 43:1-3 NIV
“I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:15b-16a NIV
“You are not your own; you were bought at a price.” 1 Corinthians 6:19b-20a NIV
“He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:5-7 NIV
5. God wants you to be whole, forgiven and walking in victory:
“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners” Isaiah 61:1b NIV
“Know the LORD," because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,” declares the LORD. “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34 NIV
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 NIV
“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 NIV
And these, dear ones, are just the beginning. There are hundreds of verses that proclaim the Lord’s great love for you and your unfathomable worth to Him. So, how about it? Who do you think you are? If you have believed lies about who you are, ask the Lord to show you the truth and help you change your thinking. You can renew your mind and begin to live life out of the abundance of who you really are in Christ: redeemed, forgiven, set free and dearly loved.
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