The Waiting Game

Many years ago when James and I first started in Singles Ministry, we met with a young lady in our singles group in Pensacola, Florida. At the time, she was probably in her mid-thirties and had a deep desire to be married. As we talked with her about the plans she had for her life and how she was handling “the waiting game”, she made this statement: “At this point, I’m just hoping Prince Charming’s horse is only pokey and not dead!” We all laughed our heads off. That was more than twelve years ago and I have never forgotten this hilarious yet sobering statement.

How do you continue to wait when you have a God-given desire to be married and have a family and there is no Prince Charming in sight? You stretch your gaze out across the horizon time and time again only to have your eyes meet with the same deserted landscape. There is no knight in shining armor, no white horse, no one riding gallantly toward you to sweep you off your feet, take you to his castle and live happily ever after. (OK, that last part might be a slight exaggeration of reality, but a girl can dream, can’t she?)

Waiting can be painful! If you’re not careful, you can allow yourself to have all sorts of wrong thoughts, emotions and actions while you attempt to wait patiently on the Lord. Believe me when I say I have lived on both sides of this dilemma. There were times when I waited patiently and made the most of my time and there were times when I decided I had enough of waiting and took matters into my own hands. In addition to my own time in the “game,” I have also walked alongside single ladies for the past twelve years. I have watched you during this season of your life and I have to tell you, this particular battle is one that sends me to my knees in prayer. I know the heartache, I see the pain, I understand the deep longings that go unfulfilled. I also know the victory and the success stories of those who allow the Lord to use this time to sharpen and mature you.

So, what’s the game plan? How can you not only survive this time in your life, but actually thrive in it?

1. Know the rule book. As a Christian, our ultimate guide for daily living is the Bible; it is our rule book. Yes, there are some really good books out there regarding this subject of waiting, dating and mating; however, don’t allow these “how-to” books to take the place of God’s Word. He knows your heart. He sees your struggles. Immerse yourself in is Word and allow Him to minister to your situation. There is no friend like Jesus!

“LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.” Psalm 38:15 NIV

“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV

2. Know your teammates. Life is about relationships. God created you to be in fellowship with Him and with other people. If you don’t have close female friends, I strongly encourage you to cultivate these. The absence of a marital relationship in your life can be greatly diminished by the presence of strong, godly, female friendships. Some of the ladies I became friends with during my time of waiting are still my friends today (and that was over 17 years ago.)

“A friend loves at all times” Proverbs 17:17a NIV

3. Training is necessary if you intend to win. Allow the Lord to stretch your faith muscles during this time. We all have things in our lives that could use some pruning. Give the Lord the permission and freedom to show you these things and be willing to accept His guidance. He wants you to press on toward the prize (and right here I’m talking about heaven and not your mate:-))and work out your salvation. One of the workouts I’ve seen produce the best results during this time is to turn your focus outward. There is something about serving others that makes your situation seem smaller. Have you always wanted to go on a mission trip? Go! Have you always wanted to serve at a homeless shelter? Do it! Do you have friends who could use a listening ear and shoulder to cry on? Be there! Do you have a friend who desperately needs Jesus as their Savior? Tell them!

“How blessed the man you train, God, the woman you instruct in your Word, providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil.” Psalm 94:12a MSG

“Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” 1 Corinthians 9:25 NIV

4. Don’t allow substitutions. This one is huge! When we feel a void in our lives, our first inclination is to fill it. We have so many choices. We can fill the void with God’s Word, godly friends, sharpening our own walk, serving others; or we can fill the void with things like sex, drinking, partying and hanging out with friends who don’t have our best interests at heart. Do not settle! Any time we settle for less than God’s best in our lives, we take a detour off the path. I don’t want to see you waste precious time wandering around in the wilderness. Trust me. I’ve been there. It isn’t something I’d recommend.

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” 1 Corinthians 15:33

“I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;” Lamentations 3:24-25 NIV

5. Forget about the loss column. Failed relationships can cause you to become hardened and afraid to try again. Your broken heart will take time to mend. Allow yourself that time and let the Lord do what He does best: restore those who are broken. You can learn from the pain and use it to guide your future experiences. Some of you are divorced. Some of you allowed your relationships to become physical and now have the guilt and shame associated with that. We serve a God who does not condemn us; rather He forgives and heals us! Don’t allow the enemy to gain a foothold here by keeping you on the ground in your shame and sadness. Take the Lord’s hand. Allow him to pick you up, dust you off and get you back on your feet.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV

6. Get in the game. In order to play the game successfully, you have to be in the game. Sounds elementary, but it’s true. Over the years I have listened as many single women told me their dreams and desires about marriage and finding a godly man, only to find out they do not participate in things that would bring them close to this goal. If you are going to bars and hoping to find a godly man, you’ve left the playing field and wandered off into the stands. If you never hang out in mixed company and are expecting your mate to show up on your doorstep, you’re not even in the stadium. (I know, God can do ANYTHING, but let’s be an active participant in the plan.) You must be in the places where the person you hope to meet would be. I will also say a word about on-line dating here. In the years past, I was strongly opposed to it. I didn’t think anything good could come of meeting and dating in a virtual world. How could one really know a person who could hide behind their keyboard and monitor and pretend to be anyone or anything they wanted to be? I have since come to meet several Christian couples who met and married via an online dating service. So, I am not as hard-core against this as I used to be. My only word of advice is to keep your eyes wide open. Be sure they are who they say they are!

I cannot say with absolute certainty that if you do these things, your mate will find you. I wish I could my sweet sister. But, as a daughter of the King, you are a princess and some day, your prince will come. It might be the Lord Jesus Himself, but rest assured, your knight will arrive, riding on a white horse. Will you make the most of your time while you await his arrival? Will you allow Him to shape and refine you as you anticipate His coming? I can hardly wait until you see him!

“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.” Isaiah 64:4 NIV